I don’t expect anyone to understand who I am and the issues I face. It’s easy for someone to put their two cents and control the way I live. No one gets why I block out comments or opinions. If it is not harsh criticism that will change me for the better, I do not want to hear it. I have breathed the air and walked on this planet for twenty one years. To most they will be quick to tell me I have a long way to go and that I have nothing to worry about.
My response is if you do not know my past, then you do not know me. If you saw what I faced on a daily basis, your mind will not be able to contain what you witness. Life is unfair to most, and no matter what age you are the Devil will try to get to you.
As I grew up, I learned to listen to the voice that cried help. The more I ignored her, the louder she screamed. I made the mistake of putting others before me, therefore I neglected the woman in the mirror. I became distant with myself and that caused me to fee unhappy and lonely.
A few days ago, I felt the need to run away or go some place where I can think to myself. The volume in my mind was too loud and I wanted to explode. I had no one to talk to, I felt alone and depressed. I am not use to staying home and being by myself. I was either out and around a boyfriend or a friend. It never came down to just being me. Instead of running, something told me to spend some time with myself and meditate. For the first time, I went to the beach by myself and had “me” time. I brought a book with me, because I could never finish it at home. There were too many distractions, so I could not finish that task. I read that book, then I looked at my view. It was as if God was telling me to just lay back and enjoy what he created for us all. The sky was beautiful, all sorts of colors. The water was calm, and the sound from the waves made me feel relaxed. By the time the sun went down, I walked around and I interacted with everyone that passed my way. Usually I am not friendly because I am not a people person, but everyone smiled at me and said hi. Of course I have to respond and smile back. It made me feel great, just one smile from a stranger makes my heart smile. It’s the little things in life that keep me happy.
After I walked around, I decided to sit on the sand once again and meditate for one last time before I have to face reality back at home. I sat down, and watched the wave again. I spoke to God and then I said a prayer. In that prayer, I asked him to please keep the peace that I felt that night in my heart as I carry on.
I thought about everything that I worried about, I am trying to get over a bad breakup with someone. I felt like this breakup ruined my life and I feel dead on the inside. But then I learned that I have to constantly die on the inside so that God can renew me and create a better me. God constantly regenerate and mold who I am meant to be. I learned that this is okay and I could have had it worse. I have dealt with a lot of heartbreaks, so pain is only temporary. I am also dealing with issues at home with my family, and getting my life situated. Later on in this blog, I will get deeper into the issues I face with my family and the pain that I have to go through dealing with them.
I started this blog because I want to inspire and help those who face issues. I want to tell the events that happen in my life that I have not told anyone before. I pull off being a strong young woman, but no one have the backstage access to behind the scenes. Normal people go through certain situations, but I believe with faith and hope everything will turn out for the best.