Living with Thyroid Disease.

It’s easy to tell me that everything will be okay. We all wish negative outcomes won’t come in effect. My body begs to differ. A few months ago, my throat felt swollen. I ignored this problem assuming it was just an allergic reaction. However, months after I went over my aunt’s house I found out that I have hyperthyroidism because she noticed the nodules in my throat. My throat was swollen, and because she had the same condition she was able to tell me that I too have hyperthyroid.

I remember going into a shock, especially after I researched this condition. I thought to myself….”Cancerous?!” This did not make sense, it did not feel real. I immediately seeked medical help. The doctor that I spoke to seemed scary, not by looks but his actions. He was rough, and that made me feel uncomfortable. He assumed that my condition was not bad, he felt my throat and said there’s only one nodule. However, he recommend that I get an ultrasound.

The room was dark. My best friend was in the room with me, along with the doctor’s assistant. Laying down in that seat with an instrument pressed on my throat was scary. She took pictures of the inside of my throat. After she finished, I peaked as I walked out the door. My best friend’s reaction made me panic. The assistant seemed shocked. She and the doctor spoke privately and by the looks of it the doctor’s hypothesis was incorrect. It was indeed worse than what he assumed. He rushed me to pay, and that was the last time I heard from that doctor.

Because that doctor had not given me the information that I needed, I researched about this disease even up to this day. It all made sense as to why I felt the need to eat rapidly and not gain a single ounce. Depression creeped up on me without a warning. I was sensitive to cold air, and would sweat when it was hot. I barely broke a sweat whenever it was hot out, but I noticed I started to drench in sweat. I am always tired and want to sleep, but then I cannot sleep at night sometimes. My memory worsened, I cannot remember a lot of the memories that have happened in my life. I constantly find myself forgetting what I am speaking about. I try my best to not space out whenever I talk to people, but it literally cause me to go blank. Also, I have a lot of anxiety and I become nervous about a lot of things. If you pay close attention or if you are holding my hands, I am always shaking. My heart beat is always racing as well. I found out the reason as to why I could not breathe properly and why I would always have fevers. My throat would always ache more than usual whenever I have these fevers.

Oh, and my mood swings… forget about PMS, it is nothing compared to PMS. I sometimes would think that I am mental, but that is not the case. Having a hyperthyroid affect my hormones therefore my mood swings would be like facing a twister when I am actually PMSing.

As months passed, my condition worsened. I spent more time in bed, and I no longer felt the thrive to over work myself. My sleeping patterns began to change, I spent my mornings in bed and by night time I became nocturnal. My appetite increased, but I lost weight no matter how much I ate. Sometimes I would lose my appetite and not eat at all. I could not control my mood swings, and that had an effect on my relationships with everyone.

The longer I waited to be treated, the worse I felt. My throat began to burn, I Gould not sleep because of this. My menstrual cycle changed. I missed a few days, assuming I were pregnant. But I was not pregnant. My cramps worsened, no amount of pain killer could save me. It caused me to have fevers.

On a Saturday a few weeks ago, I noticed something was wrong with me. I slept until 10 p.m. I had zero energy, and I felt depressed. The morning after, I could not get out of bed again. I was cramping terribly, I have never felt pain like this before. It felt as if my insides were being scorched and ripped out at the same time. I felt light headed and even when I ate, I felt like I were starving. I tried to take a shower, as soon as I turned on the hot water I layed down in a fetal position and took a short nap. The water felt soothing, it felt better than my cold bed. I did not care how long I stayed in the tub. Half an hour later, I tried to sit up but I did not have the strength to do so.

I broke down at least three times, begging The Lord to have mercy on me. If this was punishment for my sins, then I felt horrible. I was lost and confused, my head was not fully there. I could barely find words to talk but I knew what I wanted to say. This was a sign that I have to take my health serious.

I forced myself to get into my bed. I broke down again because I felt helpless. I needed medical attention, I needed love, I needed support. At that moment I explained to my friends, including my ex boyfriend what I am currently going through. They were all supportive and helped me feel a little better.

My father noticed that I have been crying, so he asked me what was wrong with me. I explained to him that I am sick and my body cannot handle being on its own. I cannot be strong anymore, and that I need medical attention. I explained how he and my mom have ignored me for months when I would tell them that I am sick. I showed him the lumps in my throat, and it have gotten larger. This time he took me serious, and he told me that he would go with me to the hospital the day after.

I need to get through this, instead of ignoring my symptoms. It only gets worse unless I get treated.

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