I have come across fighting to explain myself and my story. Quite frankly, I can care less to explain to those who misunderstand. You see, one of the crucial side effects to having an illness is the fact that it’s an inner battle. Sure I may have a puffy face here and there. My eyes may swell up one day, my body does it’s slight changes. Let’s also not forget that my goiter and nodules are non noticeable unless you touch my neck or if I put my head back. Keep this in mind: I’m a tiny woman, my neck isn’t supposed to be this large. However, to those who do not fight this battle it’s easy for them to tell me these famous lines, “But you don’t look sick.”
The other day as I attempted to explain my illness to someone, I came across the most ignorant words that were said behind my back. She assumed I have a sexually transmitted disease then said I should stay away from her. Of course these words hurt me for a bit. I went up to her and explained to her not all diseases are sexually transmitted. If you’ve heard of Lupus and can understand that’s a disease, then you’d better do some research on Thyroid Disease.
Before I was diagnosed, I did not know what a thyroid was and how much this small butterfly shaped organ controls a humans body. Your thyroid is located under the adam’s apple. To put this into a short explanation, your thyroid controls literally everything you can possibly think of inside of your body. My thyroid does not work, therefore I am broken down like a car without any gas. I have hypothyroidism as well as hashimotos thyroiditis. Hashimotos makes me cycle from hypo to hyper sometimes, so I have both symptoms for hyper and hypo. However, I am mainly hypo. Because my thyroid is enlarged and my nodules are also growing and leaking on it’s own, I’m still in the process of finding out if I have cancer or not. One doctor told me there’s a chance. I refuse to listen until I have my thyroid tested. Just last night I felt like I was going to faint at work. My whole body shut down and I had to pretend that I was fine. When I was home and relaxed in my bed, I went through the worst chest and heart pain in my life. It started off with my spine, then all three areas. I could not breathe for 10 minutes. I’m getting so used to not being able to breathe properly. I can’t explain how bad the pain was, but if I were to rate it on a scale from a 1 to a 10.. it was definitely a 10.
My constant battle to fight this illness is a daily challenge. I may not look sick, but that’s because I am chronically fabulous. I am a warrior. I have moments where I break down and cry. It affects my life, especially since I am a singer and there are days that I’m not able to push out a single note. It’s not easy, but I fight. I choose to not show my weakness, I was never known as that kind of person. I have lost and gained friends. I’m at a point in my life where I want nothing to do with negativity. If I’m going to suffer on the inside, then I’d better have fun and enjoy the small things in life. This illness changed me and has given me a whole new perspective on life.
Yes, I may not look sick but just because you’re not sick, it doesn’t mean you’re healthy either.