One Season At a Time.

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I haven’t written anything like how I used to because God hasn’t placed anything in my heart to write. But then I realized I haven’t spoken to God and spend time with him enough to do so.

An hour ago, I prayed about all of my worries and issues. I always pray for my loved onces and worry about them being happy more than I worry about myself. All of a sudden, I felt my heart was being touched. I stayed quiet and just listened.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our lives that we forget to stop and breathe, meditate, or pray. I find with myself, I always beat myself up. I’m always planning, always two steps ahead… but end up five steps back to the starting line. Why? Because He never told me to touch that path in the first place. If I truly trusted in Him and had faith, I wouldn’t have to worry about where I am headed.

I remember when I use to people fast and spent time with God only for hours or even a whole day. Sometimes I did it for a week. I did that because I needed time to myself to think and reevaluate my life. I prayed to God about my dreams and how I missed being able to perform. Every chance that I had never worked out. College never worked out for me as well because I have to pay out of pocket since I’m still a British citizen. I felt like my life was not going anywhere and I was lost. Before I ended my prayer, I told Him that I trust his plans for me and that it may not be my time yet so I will leave all my worries in His hands.

One day, my agent booked me for numerous episodes on tv shows, a movie, and I’ve even had the chance to sing a live performance. I’ve also had the chance to do a few projects here and there. With school, I’ve been to regular community college and left because I was told by an advisor that I was wasting my time and money. They didn’t offer anything in my field. Years later, I enrolled in medical school to study medical billing and coding. At first I felt like it was a great idea, but that was definitely not the plan God has set for me. After taking a few classes, I received a call from the school saying that everyone in my field dropped out and that they couldn’t continue to teach me alone. Can you imagine? I thought to myself, this is definitely a sign. To this day I have been trying to enroll in different Veterinary Technology schools, and still no luck. Money is my situation, it costs an arm and a leg without any financial assistance. So I am patient. I haven’t given up on that dream but I am smart enough to read the signs. It’s not my time. I have to focus on many other situations in my life before I can jump back onto that path again.
I’ve been blessed about everything that I have ever prayed for and I know it shall happen on His time. Most of the time, I am blessed with something even better than what I pray for.

Patience is definitely something I had to learn because what’s love if there is no trust and without either of them, where does patience fall in? Always trust in God’s timing. It may not happen when you want it to, but rest assured it will happen at the right time when you least expect it. I remember last year in October, I made the decision to leave my job to work on my health. Not knowing how long it will take, if I will ever recover, or if I can handle being unemployed. I just knew it was one of the best decisions I’ve made and that better things were coming. I had to work on myself, that was the main focus. Two months after, when I had $4 to my name, God opened up a new door for me. I knew it was temporary,  but it was enough to get me back onto my feet. It’s hard to not become frustrated when things don’t work our way, but if we had it our way then we would be making way too many regrets. Change your perspective, hush your emotions, and be patient.

Tonight when I spoke to God, I thought for a second if I’m making the right decisions, but then I stopped. I rephrase that thought to I will follow whatever path He leads me to. I’m always making risky decisions, but they’re always smart decisions. I prayed that He helps us all rest our minds and bring peace to our hearts. Then, I left all of my worries in His hands. It’s not my battle to fight, it’s His. I may not have the answers now, or may never know the answers. That’s the least bit of my worries. What I do know is that it always gets better. One season at a time.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Keep the faith alive.
– Cryssie ❤

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