I did not think I would be able to write a post at the moment because I’ve been dealing with a lot lately and my heart has been temporarily silenced, but then I realized something. For some odd reason temptation love to knock on my door whenever I’m either extremely happy or upset about something. I have never been a weak woman, so I know when I’m being put to the test.
Earlier I shut myself out from the world and listened to Heather Lindsey’s video on overcoming toxic emotions. One of the things that I have fought with is learning how to control my emotions. I have gotten much better as I use to have a very sharp tongue. I did not take anything from anyone during my rebellious years. Even to this day I have to remind myself that it’s best to bite my tongue and pray about anything that makes me upset. Then, I will just let it go and leave it in The Lord’s hands because I refuse to plant that seed in my heart. I love myself too much to walk around with hatred in my heart. She also mentioned how to fight temptation as well. If you want to watch the video, you can watch it here. She speaks for half an hour then answers questions for the remaining of the video.
Long story short, I find it odd that there’s always a certain time when guys would want to speak to me. That is 1. When I enter in a relationship and they see that I am happy without them so they regret the mistake they have made. Then, they assume I would change my mind by coming back into my life. 2. When I’m single because they know I don’t cheat and now that I’m single, it would be a great opportunity to slither back into my life.
See the old me, the young and very stupid girl that gave everyone a chance because all she wanted was love and her own Cinderella story would have gladly accepted anyone with open arms. I know when I’m being put to the test now and quite frankly, I do not need anyone that I have left behind. You see, the beauty of letting go is that door is now closed. Once one door close, a new door will open up for me. I refuse to entertain anyone that’s not for me and I do not care to be with anyone at the moment. Bluntly speaking, my heart is tired and I am focusing on myself as well as my relationship with God. That does not mean that I am bitter. Yes, I am hurt but I am also smart enough to know that it’s not my season. I’ll patiently wait while God continues to mold me. Going back to those men only mean that I do not respect myself and I am not ready to move onto something or someone better. I know my self worth and I do not wish to keep my cookies out of the cookie jar.
It truly breaks my heart seeing both men and women who get out of relationships immediately jump to another person or run back to their exes because they’re afraid to be alone. I get it, I’ve been there. I’ve had bad friends that would try to set me up with people because they were tired of seeing me lonely or I would be afraid that I’ll be single for the rest of my life… but I am not lonely and I won’t be. Neither will you. Those friends were obviously not my real friends since they did not accept that. They even looked at me crazy and did not support the fact that I wanted to save sex for my husband. But that’s another story and it’s okay to take some time out to focus on YOU. You’re only going to set yourself up for unsatisfactory because you will never be happy with that person after you realize they’re just not for you, broken hearts, and tears that could have been easily avoided if you would have said goodbye as soon as you said hello. Or left that person alone before introducing yourself. They’re someone else’s husband/wife, let them go. There is more to life than wanting to rush into a relationship. It will happen in due time, patience. I have learned how to spend quality time with myself and those are the times that give me a chance to grow. I learn more about myself, it does not mean that I am lonely. Your happiness comes from within, you cannot allow anyone to rob that from you. I am given the chance to start over and to also do the things that I love.
Also, I do want to say there is a misconception about the phrase “If something is meant to be, then it will come back to you.” Be smart enough to know when you’re being tested and what’s fate. If you ever feel like crying because you’re hurt or if you ever feel lonely, these are the times that your friends will gladly give you a shoulder to cry on. My friends know that I am not a cryer. I hate showing any signs of weakness to them. So they give me time and space until I come running to them. I also shut out the world and just spend quality time with God during these times because I know it’s the enemy telling me that I can’t. But you know what, I can and so can you.
Rest your heart, sunshine. It gets better.
– Cryssie ❤