5/30/15

I always write to inspire and motivate others. I’m currently writing a book that will give a sense of hope. I said that I wouldn’t share anything, but I couldn’t help it. I just wrote a journal entry after I experienced a few thyroid symptoms the second I woke up. People expect me to be fine all the time and although I play the role of a strong young warrior really well, no one truly know the battles I have to fight every second of the day. It’s a surprise to others when I am not feeling well enough to do certain things because of that. I stopped explaining myself, believe me it’s not easy for others to understand. I don’t blame them, but all I ask is for their love when I need it the most. Daily I ask God to help me get  through my day and then I leave my worries in His hands.

5/30/15
I woke up with all of my energy sucked right out of me. I could have fallen back asleep, but I decided to get up and start my day. It was 12:15 p.m. and I’d hate to sleep my day away. I was hungry but it also felt like I had lost my appetite. Lately my body has been rejecting everything that I eat. Or, I will have crazy cravings and eat until my jaw hurts. However, everything that I eat feels as if it’s being sucked into a vacuum so I am always hungry. I am continuing to lose weight because of this. I was told to check for leaky gut the next time I go in for my doctor appointment. I forced myself to eat anyway so that I won’t have to pay for any throid symptoms later. I ate a small meal with a smoothie. No dairy, completely vegan friendly. 10 minutes after I finished, I felt my body starting to get heavy. I immediately took my daily pills. Brain fog put me into zombie mode as I layed in bed. It was as if I was sinking in my mattress, I couldn’t move. Words jumbled inside of my head. I had a flashback to the day that I went into the ER for the first time. I thought to myself that I can and will fight this. My cat sensed I was not myself, so she curled under my chest then fell asleep. I felt loved, a rush of calm and peace. I layed there in silence until my cognitive skills returned. It is now 2:13 p.m., and I’m still laying in bed until I gain the energy to continue the rest of my day.

It’s not easy, but I’m a warrior. I have to stay strong.

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