As I sat on my bed, thoughts began to race a million miles all at once. I have thought about both the positive encouragements I have received from those who were not close to me, yet the negative opinions by those who said they loved me. I began to think why was it that those who are not blood or close to me are the ones who seem to care more? Why is it that I feel alone in a room filled with people? Why don’t I recognize the woman in the mirror whenever I stare at her?
Why did I care?
What was it about the opinions of others that made my mind race as if they validated who God has made me? When your judgment is clouded, you begin to lose who you are. These thoughts are what people have thought about me, but what did God think about me?
2 Corinthians 6:17-18
I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters,’ says the Lord Almighty.
I am far from perfect, yet He loves me. Christ loved us so much that He died for us! When you begin to nitpick everything about yourself, you are telling Him that He made a mistake. He made you! You are His child and His children are no mistakes. So, I sat up and looked at her in the mirror once again. “You’re beautiful. You are smart. You are the most caring person I have ever met and I believe that is a gift. You are the strongest woman and although you have faced many battles, you carry a smile with you wherever you go. I believe that you have a purpose on this planet, so it is important that you do not give in to the lies told by others because they do not justify you. Keep the faith alive.” I planted this in my mind and told myself this over and over until I believed. It was as if I was no longer blind. I began to see every shape and curve on my body. I began to love the skin that I am in. I noticed every birthmark and loved even the scars on my body. I loved my eyes and the shape of my lips. I loved my curls and began to stop relaxing my hair. I did not conceal my skin as much as I did to cover my beauty. I no longer believed I was a mistake because although my parents did not plan me, I am a part of God’s plan. That is a blessing!
Self love is important. You have to love yourself no matter what anyone says. I did not think I was too thin or too short. I love my height and my size. If you don’t learn to love yourself, you will believe the lies from the enemy. My feelings no longer hurt whenever someone makes a derogatory comment about me. I am beautiful and I am a child of God. Break free from the chains society has locked onto your soul.
Society displays a certain image of what they think beauty should be. Man portrays an image of the perfect human. Man tells you that you must sell your soul in order to be rewarded. Man tells you that you will not get far in life if you do not follow their instructions. There is no perfect human, but in the eyes of the Lord WE ARE PERFECT! We do not live to please man, we live to please God. We must follow His instructions so that we will be rewarded in His kingdom! Everything on this earth is temporary, so why fight to hold on to something that you cannot take with you into the gates heaven?
In order to trust, you must let go of the what if’s. Let go and let God. Take a step of faith and believe in God’s plans for you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
The absence of love created a gateway for the enemy to rob my joy. He made me believe I was no use on this planet. The enemy wanted to control every aspect of my body. He wanted me to believe it was his way and not the righteous way. He made me believe that as long as I stayed in the darkness, then I would be safe. He claimed he would have my back, but he turned against me every chance that he could get. He was not a friend. He lied to me. He stole from me. He created an unidentified human being that I did not recognize.
I cannot turn back now, not after what the Lord has done for me. He was the truth all along. I don’t know how I could ever repay Him for all that He has done, but I must show my love through obedience. I will remain faithful in season and out of season. I will sing about His love for me and my love for Him.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind, but now I see