I decided to share more from my book. Just a quick update, I have finally finished writing everything! I have already found a publisher and I am working on the cover while finishing up the editing. I had to fight sharing my personal life and I did not like the fact that I had to remember my dark past. However, I have to remember that I have to pass on a message. Don’t lose your hope no matter what happens in your life!
I am so excited to share it with you once it is published! Until then, enjoy this post from A Sense of Hope about Forgiveness.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Picture: via Addiction Blog
Despite the pain, I am still able to love those who have hurt me. I cannot walk around moping and having a grudge tug on my heart for too long. I have to take care of my heart and protect it. You reap what you sow, so it is important that I let go of every conflict. Have you ever lied in bed tossing and turning from an argument that you had with someone or you wish there was something that you could get off of your chest? Because you have not let go of this conflict, you then lose sleep from this distraction.
I have always been the kind of woman that lets everything go. Now, I’m not saying that I have not held grudges throughout my life because I can hold a grudge! I will remember that pen that I saw you steal from me or that food that I have been saving all day, but when I came home it was no longer there. I remember those heartbreak feelings! I can easily watch you like a hawk and wait until you set aside your piece of cake and eat it once you walk away. However, when you hold on to grudges or a conflict, you are allowing them to control you! That is how revenge starts, accusations, misinterpretations, and so forth.
From what you have already known, earlier in this book I have talked about my dark past with abuse and neglect. I remember telling my story and being asked, “How do you forgive them from what they have done to you?” I paused before I could answer. I thought about my past as the memories rushed through my head. The only answer that I gave at the moment was the fact that I will always see the good in someone more than the bad. My parents have their faults and they continue to hurt me daily, however their hearts are not wicked. I believe at some point in their lives they were stressed out and became lost in their problems. I believe they were searching for an answer, but gave up.
This does not give them the right to do what they have done, but I learned to forgive them. I cannot walk around hating them, because when I did, I started to rebel. I would avoid them by staying over my then boyfriend’s house, staying out until sunrise, or I would come home three days after. I wanted to run from them. I wanted nothing to do with them at all because I felt as if I was living with roommates that I hated! I grew to hate them to a point where I actually got physical with my father. I regret that day because I allowed my emotions to control me.
They have their own personal issues. I cannot expect a change if I continue to fight fire with fire. It only leads to unnecessary drama and even more pain. I understand that they are trying no matter how hard it is for them. I simply forgave them because I love them. I am grateful that I have parents in my life because life is not guaranteed. I thought about how I would feel if either of them would pass away, and I admit I will miss them terribly. I let go of the past and started to show them how much I loved them despite the hate they showed towards me. I started to respect them! I stopped staying out late, I no longer talk back to them, I do not use profanity around them, and I do not argue back whenever they feel the need to pick a fight. I also had to think about what the Bible says about obeying our parents.
“Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
How could I expect to listen and obey the Lord if I did not know how to do the same to my parents? I thought about the fifth commandment and eventually prayed for this area in my life; I began to change. My parents realized that I was growing up and it was time to set a truce. I am still working on my relationship with them.
Speaking with my father is not easy. He will look at me as if I am stupid. He would ignore me and go about his business! When he had an alcohol addiction, he would come home and take his feelings out on me. I would be in my own world or walk out of my room, but the moment he saw me I was immediately attacked. I felt hurt at first because I used to be daddy’s little girl. He spoiled me when I was a baby and I was always by his side. I did not understand how someone could go from loving you to hating you.
However, I learned to let go of the hurt. I still tried until I got an answer and a smile. Just recently, he confessed to me that he did not speak to me for a whole year because I was disrespectful. He wanted nothing to do with me because of that. There is obviously more behind his confession, but it was a start. After he told me that, he then told me he wanted to work things out with me and that he wants to be a part of my life again. I immediately thanked God because all I do is pray for my father more than myself. My prayers were finally answered.
With my mother, I talk to her about common interests. We enjoy watching HGTV and we love fashion. I show appreciation for her from time to time. I would take my little sister shopping, do the groceries, do my sister’s hair and other chores around the house because I know how busy her life is. She is running a business with no days off, so by the time she arrives home she is already exhausted. I give my mother flowers, jewelry, and other things to show her how much I appreciate her. It’s the small things that make a difference. My parents still have their moments where they feel as if they can vocalize their frustrations, but I am unbothered.
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.”
I will never understand the reason behind the hurt, or why they choose to act harshly towards me. However, the more they try the more I remember that I have a Father in Heaven that will never harm me. Is there anyone in your past or present that have hurt you or have done anything to sabotage you? The hardest thing to do is to accept the pain and to move past it. You will not feel free if you don’t learn how to work things out and let go. We all have feelings and I understand that it does take time, but carrying weights with you can only get you so far before you can no longer walk. Pray that God helps you in this area and pray for those who have hurt you as well.
Forgive and forget.