Song of Solomon 3:5
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
This verse helped me in the beginning stages of my single season. It was a reminder that I surrendered because I can’t do everything on my own. It’s a reminder of my past and trying to find “the one”. It reminds me of the pain I was in because I awakened love lust before it was my time.
If you say you trust God with all of your heart, then why won’t you allow Him to guard it? You can easily avoid a heartbreak if you trust God whenever He tells you to just wait. You have to love God first before you can love anyone else.
Coming from someone who use to online date, I would go back in a heartbeat to prevent all I have gone through. My book explains most of my heartbroken stories, but I literally felt as if I was not capable of being loved. I searched for love in the wrong men because I was abused for years. After forgiving everyone who used to hurt me, it wasn’t until I realized I still have a Father in heaven who have always been there and will never leave my side.
If you know who you are and have self respect, you won’t allow anyone to treat you less. You want God’s best. Good things take time, so as God prepares your future mate for you, He is also preparing you for them. He is not punishing or hiding you from men, He’s protecting you because He sees what we are unable to see! As women, we can be blinded by the truth or ignore the signs because we are in denial. God knows what we need, so He will never give us what we want. He knows the desires of our hearts, so He will never leave us hanging. But, our focus should never be on men. Focus on your relationship with God! Don’t worry.
Also, just because someone seems fine, all that, and a bag of chips, you still have to guard your heart! The devil comes in everything that we wish for. Trophies will always be on display, but I need to see someone’s fruit. I need to see that you will respect me & my decision to wait until marriage. I need to know how your love is like. I need to see how you are like when no one else is watching. I like what I wrote down in my notes from the singles retreat I went to last year:
The most intimate thing you can give are your words. We confuse sex for intimacy (Coming into me to see what’s going on in me).
When we are alone, the enemy tries his hardest to make us believe we need to fill in our voids with lust. It’s easy to pick up that phone at midnight to see what your ex or someone else is up to. We should be minding our own business at this time. Adultery is a sin, we know better. In 1 Corinthians 6:19 it says that our bodies are temples. We must honor God with our bodies because it’s not ours to begin with! I am encouraging you to delete and get rid of anything that entertains sin and distracts you. Grab your bible every time you feel lonely and spend time with God! You need to treat your relationship with Him better than anyone else’s. You cannot continue to feed yourself with the devil’s toxin in order to feel better!
Excerpt from my book:
You’re lying in bed with a man/woman that you have only known for a short amount of time, maybe longer. Then all of a sudden you turn to your side so that they won’t see your silent cries. You cry yourself to sleep in hopes that everything will get better the next day, but as the days pass the more you grow unhappy. You assume all of your problems can be fixed by sleeping with this person, yet after you have laid with the devil you realize pleasure cannot be mixed with happiness. He stole your happiness the moment you exchanged numbers and to this day he controls your emotions because you do not know how to make yourself happy. You’ll never be satisfied with the way he makes you feel, no matter how much he tries. If you’re lucky that is, as most are comfortable enough to stop loving you the way they did when they first met you. You begin to imagine all of the romantic dates you wish you would go on and receiving flowers once in a while. You begin to create a fantasy in your own mind.
Out of the blue you meet someone that sparks your heart and brings light into your world. You have envisioned someone like this for so long, so you begin to entertain them. It’s all innocent now until temptation creeps into your bed once again then you begin cheating on your significant other. Now you realize it’s too late but because you have mixed pain with the alcohol in your blood and the devil found his way back into your bed.
You’re still unhappy.
You’re still miserable.
You still cry yourself to sleep and bounce from man to man or woman to woman. Now you begin to carry on and infect another’s body with the disease that you caught.
Don’t allow temptation to take over you because I can assure you pain is temporary. Guard your hearts and learn to love yourself. It is not one’s job to make or keep us happy. Happiness is an inside job. You cannot love another if you do not know the Lord and love yourself first. The more you give into temptation, the more you destroy your soul. Fight the lies that the devil whispers into your ear. You are loved; you are worth more than just sex. Stay strong, it gets better.
For the Broken Souls, from my book ‘A Sense of Hope: The Truth and lies Told From the Absence of Love’
I cannot stress how many times I have to write about this. I deal with the same situations, so I am writing from experience. I write based off other women’s experiences as well. Being single is not a disease. In fact, I am so content in my single season that I always clutch onto God really hard. It sounds silly, but I feel like a baby that never wants to leave their parents’ side. I no longer want less than His best. I am so focused on working on myself, other areas in my life, as well as developing my relationship with God. I know my time will come, so I don’t worry. I have been broken enough to want to go down that path again. I am able to focus on the things that matter and I am growing every single day. Relax, it is called a season for a reason. It is not the end of the world.