As I took photos of how I make vegan ice cream, my phone’s memory storage became full. So, I was forced to delete a lot of content. Instead of deleting photos this time, I decided to delete unimportant videos.
As I scrolled to the bottom first, I came across a lot of old videos. Most were from my past. I was intrigued at how I no longer recognized who I used to be. I say this a lot because I transformed over the years. I was abused, neglected, lost, heartbroken, searching for love in all the wrong places with the wrong men, depressed, and suicidal. But, I always kept a smile on my face because I always had faith.
I eventually came across a video of one of my exes that I fell really hard for. My heart dropped. I thought I deleted everything that reminded me about him. I played it over and over until the Holy Spirit told me “Enough, delete it!” I felt like crying. I started to think about how different my life would have been if we were still together. Definitely not the same way and my relationship with God would not have been the way it is today. He didn’t believe in God and clearly in the bible it says to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.
2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
Then, I came across another video of someone I dated for a few months. Well, it was of me but I was talking to him as he was driving. I smiled and played it over again twice. I missed his voice, I missed the memories, and I missed him. “But do you really miss him?” Again, the Holy Spirit had me in check.
Good memories tend to blind us from the truth. The enemy always reminds us of the good memories, but not the bad. He doesn’t remind us of what God saved us from. That is why it’s important to not be emotionally lead, we need to be God led. Kill off those fleshly desires, our flesh is weak!
I don’t miss the bad stuff. How broken I felt when he found a pathetic excuse to stop dating and how he used to verbally abuse me. I don’t miss the fights. I don’t miss disrespecting my parents and leaving the house at 6 a.m. just so I can spend the day at his house. I don’t miss the drinking and fornication. I don’t miss my interpretation of what love was; Running back to dysfunctional relationships and always feeling empty. Not knowing what true love is. I don’t miss any of it!
I may talk about relationships and how we should focus on God and not men a lot, but I do it because I’ve been there. In fact, I am still battling thoughts of running back to these men! I know how it’s like to be single and feeling alone. Although I am content, the enemy still tries to mess with me. But God reminds me of who He is and how no one can ever love me like He does. He reminds me to run back to Him and would hate to see me cry again over men He never told me to be with.
God loved us as we were in our mother’s wombs, He loves us even when we turn against Him, and He loves us enough to protect us and I am grateful for the moment I surrendered because He showed me how His love is sufficient! He never stopped loving me.
I don’t deserve it. It breaks my heart to see women go through what I went through, and this is exactly why I write for you. In my book, ‘A Sense of Hope’, the subtitle is ‘The Truth and Lies Told From the Absence of Love’ because I was lied to. I didn’t think I was good enough. I thought my happiness would be found in men, I thought if I were to end my life then maybe everything would be better, and there were so much lies that the enemy filled in my head. But God…. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life! I encourage you to read John 14.
I went deeper about what I went through and how God saved me from these men in my book. It was not easy writing it as I wanted to hide under a rock. Some, I never understood why the relationships ended but I don’t care because if He says no, I obey His word! I don’t have time to be wasted.
Listen, Valentines Day is a man made holiday. I love it, but love should be celebrated every day. You cannot be brain washed into idolizing this bow and arrow baby. You can’t focus on couples who celebrate their love. Focus on loving God, your loved ones, and yourself. When you aren’t staying in your lane, you belittle yourself. You are loved! You don’t need a man to show off for the holidays. Wait on the man that will love you every day.
I’m going to need you to guard you heart! I’m going to need you to understand you are the bomb dot com and you refuse to allow anyone to treat you less than what you deserve. If God told and showed you signs that he is not the one but you’re in denial, honey it’s time to let it go!
1. Delete and block! You don’t need to be reminded about anything that will cause you to run back to that boy. Get rid of those distractions.
2. Get off those dating websites. Just because something has Christian attached to it does not mean everyone on there are saved. Online dating never did me any good but set myself up for heartbreaks and time wasted.
3. Ask God to help you during this journey. I prayed all the time that God helped me and guide me because I was really lost.
4. Thank Him for what He is protecting you from and for loving you through any state you’re in.
5. Surround yourself around positive people with Godly morals. Bad company corrupts good morals. (1 Corinthians 15:33). Some of your friends are encouraging you to go back and fix something that’s meant to stay broken. My best friends keeps me in check all the time and I do the same for them. They always remind me that those men were jerks and that I deserve better.
6. There’s something beautiful about waiting for the man God is preparing for you! I love being prepared for him. I write to him all the time in this journal my best friend bought me. I also write to God in that journal as well and prayer requests. I pray for everyone daily. I even pray for my future husband and about our future children.
7. No pity parties. Depression is a gateway for the enemy. He wants you to be alone so he can play mind games. You’re blessed and beautiful! Go out with your friends and have fun! Enjoy this season! I am spending half of my day with my church family serving & worshipping God.Then, I am going out with my girlfriends and spreading love every where I go to show others they are appreciated.
I love you guys. Jesus loves you more than anyone. He loves us so much that He died for us! Who can say they will die to save us? You are worth the wait. Stay strong warriors!