By Crystal Metellus
“Lord, remove these sexual desires from my heart. Remove the things that don’t come from You. Help me to honor You and become disgusted with sexual sin and the things You disprove. I no longer want to desire these things. I don’t want to fail You. Help me, Father!”
That was my prayer years ago as I began crying out to God because I no longer wanted to satisfy my flesh. I wanted to remain celibate, yet greatly struggled in this area. Time after time, I failed as I fell into temptation. Each and every time I failed, the tests were harder than before.
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh; for I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do. Instead, I keep on doing the evil I do not want to do. And if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
Let’s go back to a few years prior to that. I remember being the only virgin among my peers in high school. Everyone was “doing it.” I didn’t care much for peer pressure. For me, it was important that I remained pure. I chose to honor God, yet this vow broke with the heart that was left torn into pieces one too many times. Men that used me and I allowed it because I wanted to feel loved. Years later, I learned it wasn’t love and they were my idols.
Can we just be honest with ourselves and the sins we try to hide? Like many of you, I too struggled. With each and every test, I assumed I had it all together. I thought I would pass with all of these cheat sheets, I mean cheap sheets. They were cheap because I didn’t understand how valuable I am and why God choose to keep me hidden.
I copied and pasted the world’s standards onto a woman that is called to be set apart. God’s word says that we are more precious that rubies (Proverbs 3:15) and we are His masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10). It wasn’t that I didn’t know my worth, it was that I needed to let go of the men that were not for me and pursue the One that captured my heart. I needed to let go of conditional love.
Running back to these men only made me feel lonelier. Entering into a new relationship with empty voids and the same baggage you carried from your last is already set for destruction. I had to learn to fall in love with God all over again as His love is unconditional.
After the last heartbreak that changed my life for the better, I thank God for what He saved me from. He delivered me and honestly, it did not happen overnight, but I no longer have these desires anymore. It disgusts me to ever think that way again. It was then I never viewed love the same and realized my worth as the daughter of the King.
On Valentine’s Day, my focus was only on God as it is every day. This was my 2nd Valentine’s Day being single. I felt nothing more or less about the holiday. I didn’t throw a pity party as I used to do. Days prior, I got all dolled up and went to a jazz concert with my friends. We even left early not only because we were hungry, but to avoid catching any feelings from the love music & seeing couples together. So, we ate dinner and laughed all night as always.
Refrain from surrounding yourself around things that will blind you to go into the woe is me mindset. Bluntly speaking, none of that is cute. As single women, we have to guard our hearts and set boundaries!
What do you do when you are single or courting, saved, and lustful?
- Refrain from the things that lead you to temptation
– As I mentioned before, that includes music, TV shows, certain websites, movies, places, and even certain people around us. Many of you ask how far is too far? If it leads to curiosity as well as contradicting the word and God, then it’s TOO FAR. Curiosity killed the cat. Guard your heart & set boundaries.
-Be honest with yourself and be honest with God so that He can deliver you from sexual sin. I believe there is power in prayer. These desires don’t come from God, so go before Him with all of your heart in repentance and He will remove them. Cover yourself with prayer. Prayer releases all your eternal resources. Pray, pray, pray!
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10)
- Always go back to the word about what God says about purity.“Our body does not belong to us. You were bought at a price. Glorify God with your body and your life.” (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)
“Be put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires” (Romans 13:14)
“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:16)
“How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word” (Psalm 119:9)
“Finally, brothers, what is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Philippians 4:8)
- What also helps me to not have any sexual desires is seeing every man as my brother.
– You wouldn’t dare think of your own brother that way. He is your brother in Christ; That is all he is, not eye candy or a boy toy. Move along.
- Yes, it’s not easy and does not happen overnight but, you have to crucify your flesh. Die to your flesh daily! I have post-it notes as a reminder that this is a spiritual battle & by God, He is able to do the very thing He begun in us. Surround yourself around like-minded sisters who sharpen you and hold you accountable. My friends keep my busy and have no time for emotions, so they will correct lovingly and help strengthen my weak areas with me.
- Pray for discernment so that you won’t fall for a fraud. Although I am still single, I pray this for my future husband as well. Nowadays, the devil has dressed up fancier and he is also able to send people our way that look the part, yet they are frauds! I believe God will reveal to us at the right time who He created for us
-One of my sisters from a women’s group I lead told me someone mentioned to her that praying to remove these desires meant that she won’t have these desires for her future husband. I stopped her before she could finish. My heart was torn. Get rid of this mindset! Romans 12:2 says to not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.
God created us, so He knows us and our desires. He wants us to have sex with our husband, but as single women, we shouldn’t be sleeping around with randoms and thinking about wanting to lay in bed with another brother. There is more to life and marriage than wanting to be in bed all day, every day. That’s a soul-tie, not a soul-mate. Let’s keep it moving. This will be explained in just a bit.
Please don’t feed into temptation. If you think fighting temptation is hard, try getting rid of soul ties. Now that’s a STRUGGLE!
I remember when I used to cry about never having a Valentine. I remember crying because of how “lonely” I felt. After almost marrying an insane man who God removed out of my life (he was seriously CRAY), all I can say is…. stop the crying, get up, keep yourself busy, focus on God, go out, love onto others, and do you boo! Sis, we have souls to save. God can’t use you when you’re crying about someone that He never sent. Singleness is not the end of the world. It’s a blessing that should be appreciated and here’s why:
Your single season is about your purpose. It is also about coming to know your identity in Christ and learning more of who He is daily. You will be pruned, but you will surely grow. God will show you who He is more and more if you allow Him into your heart. You learn things about yourself that need to be corrected. Again, I say that you need to crucify your flesh daily! He brings people into your life that will love you and also correct you. He brings those people to sharpen us. You have all of this time to accomplish so much! Serve the Lord with all your heart instead of worrying about what God has already planned for you. No man will bring you where God is taking you.
Don’t lower your standards & settle for just anyone. The man you wait for will love you as Christ loves the church and gave Himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25). I don’t know about you, but it’s worth waiting for a man that loves & knows God so much, that he will know how to love me because he loves God!
You both will compliment each other and have respect for each other. As his future wife, you will submit onto that man as you submit onto the Lord because that man will be the head as Christ is the head of the church. You’re worth the wait, more than a WYD (What you doing) and where you at text. Guard your heart, be whole with the Lord, and focus on Him. It’s not worth a one night stand and laying in between the sheets with another pair of thighs.
I’m not going to go into the whole sex ed talk, because we all know the risks. It’s just not worth risking anything. It’s not worth getting into another heartbreak and feeling emptier than before. You are too valuable to be cheated on and crying yourself to sleep.
We cry out how much more we want of God and to seek His heart. But, are you really seeking Him wholeheartedly or are you seeking Him with a portion of it? Let me explain what I mentioned earlier about what my sis in Christ told me.
1 Corinthians 7:32-35 (NIV)
32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
I studied this for a while and read the KJV as well. Paul said this for our own profit. Courting women, this is also for you. You are single until you are joined together as husband and wife with that man.The unmarried (single) woman cares for the things that belong to the Lord and how to please the Lord. (v.32) Not only does the unmarried care for the things of the Lord, but she remains holy in both body and in spirit. He says this to not cast a snare upon us, but so that we come before the Lord without distractions.
Remove distractions! Marriage may not be for everyone. Plenty of women told me they just don’t have the desire to marry. That’s amazing! Place yourself in that perspective. What if it’s never in God’s plans for you or I to marry? Would we still love, serve, honor, glorify, and obey Him the same?
Have a heart check. Focus on God alone! Don’t make your single season about seeking a relationship. As a single woman, our attention is not divided like married women. We are free to give our all to God.
What if God did place the desire for marriage in your heart? I can relate as I know this is no mistake for me, so here is what I also studied: Paul knows that to avoid fornication, it is not good for a man or woman to be alone. Verse 9 says if you can’t contain yourself, it is better to marry than to burn.
From there, that already tells us that God knows the desires of our hearts. It is by no mistake to desire marriage as He created marriage for a man and woman. In Genesis, He created Eve from Adam’s rib as God knew that Adam could not be alone because Adam needed a help meet (Genesis 2:18).
You can’t love and submit onto the man God has for you without first learning to fall in love with God wholeheartedly and submit onto Him. You also have to understand there is more to a marriage than just the wedding. There is more to a marriage than sex. If you are only desiring marriage to fulfill your sexual desires, I will point you to Ephesians 5:3-17. Take the time out to read this. That is a perverted spirit that needs to be rebuked as it did not come from God.
My sisters, be patient and seek first His kingdom.
Father, I pray that your daughters become whole in You. We pray and sing that we want all of You, in which You have done… forgive us as we have not given You all of us. I pray for my sisters who struggle with sexual sin and for those who struggle seeking after your heart. I thank You for what You’re already about to do in their lives as You free them. Lead us not to temptation, but only to Your heart. I pray that You break these soul ties in Jesus name. I rebuke the soul-tie demon in Jesus name. I rebuke the sex and lust demon in Jesus name. I rebuke temptation in Jesus name. Cancel all the devil’s schemes so that we honor You not only with our bodies, but with our lives as well. Remove all distractions so we can focus on You only. No one will ever fill our voids. So it’s important we look to You and love You unconditionally as You have done to us. I thank You for always pursuing us. Despite who we are, You still love us. Father, we love You! Help us to not fail You. Perfect, love, and correct us, daily. In Jesus mighty name I say this prayer.