My story begins at the age of about six or seven . I had weekend visitations with my father and he was sexually abusing me regularly. It went on for years until my mom realized that I was acting differently and she asked me about it. I finally broke down and told her. She stopped making me go but it was something that was never to be discussed.
About two or three years later, she had a boyfriend that moved in with us. He began touching me while she was either sleeping or in another room. I told her years later and she didn’t believe me. He continued to live with us until he left her.
As I went on to middle school, I had extremely low self esteem hated myself. I searched for my father’s love in all the wrong places. When I was in high school, finally guys started paying attention to me;I ran with it. I gave myself away to guys because I didn’t want them to leave. I was so unhappy with being alone with myself that I’d hang on to the coattails of someone I knew I had no business being with. I thought if I gave them what they wanted (sex), I’d get what I wanted (love).
I soon learned that it didn’t work that way. After being broken-hearted, used and abused, I was left depressed and feeling like damaged goods. I felt like something was wrong with me, like I was defective. I felt unlovable. At my lowest point, I wanted to die. I would pray that Jesus would kill me because I couldn’t do it myself. But He refused.
Last year, I ran into Heather Lindsey’s videos on YouTube. The passion and the joy that she had when she talked about Jesus was something I had never seen before and I wanted it. I grew up religious but I never had relationship. I just remember crying out to God after that and He just enveloped me with His love!
In 22 years of life, I had never felt complete until that moment. I felt joy, passion, and love. I didn’t need anyone else in that moment. And through the mouth of someone else He told me, “I love you. I waited a long time for you.” My life has been completely transformed. He is a Healer and He’s a Father. We are so loved by Him. I just want more women to feel the love that is in Him, the love that He is!
Last year, I had the opportunity to attend an all women’s brunch that I saw online. After church, my best friend and I headed over there. After driving for so long and what should have been a 40 minute drive, we were lost. We tried asking directions, but that failed because they were foreigners. They were as lost as we were, such a fail. We didn’t know anyone who attended, but I decided to contact the young woman who was hosting the event. I had only spoken to her online and hoped she would respond.
She was so sweet, patient, and understanding. I thought about heading back home at lease 3 times. Thank God I didn’t! Once we got the correct address and walked into the place it was held, I immediately felt the presence of God. It was dark, worship music was on, and all the women were on their face praying and crying out to the God. It was beautiful!
Afterwards, we played a game right before Catherine came up to speak. Hearing her testimony had me in tears. God is such a good, good Father who turns our pain into purpose. In the midst of our troubles and pain, He is always there! We will find Him right where we are once we seek Him with all our hearts. Catherine is a woman of God with a beautiful soul and I am so inspired by her ministry. To learn more about her minitry, follow her on Instagram and subscribe to her Youtube channel (CatherinewitaC ).