My post last week – ‘Come Home,’ is a true representation of my relationship with God.
I have made so many mistakes, I have disappointed Him and have turned my back on Him so many times but that has never stopped my Father from loving and caring about me.
There is a joke at my church, that it would appear as if God loves me more than anyone else (…LOL, I just started and I already have you staring at you screens saying “huh?”), the reason why is because He is always speaking to me through His servants. A guest speaker can pop up at my church, someone I’ve never seen in my life and I can almost guarantee that by the end of the day he would come to me with a specific word from God. Often times it was when I was out in the world, having turned my back on my heritage and my inheritance.
Now you’re all probably saying, “oh it’s a word of chastisement or God is always calling her back home,” but that wasn’t it. The messages He sends are always words of encouragement, letting me know that He loves me and that He has a bright future in store for me. My God has never chastised me publicly before, even when I downright deserve to be!
You see above all else, HE LOVES US! [Inserts Psalm 30: 5 – meaning go look it up!]
So I’m going to be frank about my journey to restoration, hoping that it may inspire someone to begin working for theirs.
Getting up after a fall is the hardest part…
That was how I started my testimony when I was called up on to say a few words at my mini – re-commitment service.
Listen, I had fallen hard…I was out there in the world living it up, partying, not going to church and having sex, yes I said it! So many persons want to minister but they are afraid to speak plainly and openly about things that a lot of Christians are struggling with; note, sex is not the only struggle but it’s a major one!
But I digress, I was having sex (I just wanted to say it again for shock value, LOL) and guess what?
I got pregnant!
So now my sin was on full display to the world, I could not pretend anymore! That’s the thing, when someone sins it’s usually hidden from the world. Only God knows what’s happening but when it comes on to premarital sex and getting pregnant, it’s like a HUGE NEON ORANGE sign over your head saying, “FORNICATOR RIGHT HERE!”
There is no escaping the stares and the silent and sometimes loud whispers behind your back and don’t get me started with the loud, ‘in your face’ shouts of condemnation.
It wasn’t easy, but that fall really did me in…
I went to church right throughout my pregnancy, I was ashamed and broken but I knew that it had been my choices that had landed me in this position and I was willing to ‘man up’ and admit my faults.
Side note: I was still with the guy and I was still having the sex…
After having my child, still with the daddy, it was harder to go back to church…
I was no longer pregnant, so the neon sign was gone…WRONG! My dear sweet girl, had now become the spot light that illuminated my ‘fall from grace.’ They would see her, then they would check my finger and instantly the would know.
I stayed away from church for one whole year, only visiting 3 times the most. Telling myself that God knew my heart and He knows that I love Him and that I don’t need to go to church to serve God. All while still maintaining a sexual relationship with my child’s father.
It was all a load of bull!
I was trapped in sin and I could not seem to dig my way out.
What many persons don’t understand is that when you open the door to one sin, its going to bring his friends along for the ride. Soon you won’t even be able to recognize your self in the mirror. Sin is like a cancerous tumour, that once it enters the body, it begins to grow and not only that it sends little armies of itself all throughout the body so that similar tumours can begin to form all throughout.
And just as how you need surgery to remove a tumour, you’re gonna need spiritual surgery to remove sin. Luckily the head of the surgery ward is Jesus; now you’re going to have to be willing to entrust Him with your cancerous body, that’s the only way you can become whole [Inserts Acts 4:12].
Once you get to that point where you are deeply aware of how hopeless and damned your soul is without Jesus, you will cry out to Him and He will pull you up out of the slum that you’re in.
That moment came for me at my daughter’s first birthday party. In the midst of celebrating my daughters first birthday, God had sent a wake up call for me.
Now I was in the house getting ready, everyone else was on the outside gathering around as it was time to pray over the night’s events and to bless the cake (for anyone wondering about the cake part, it’s a Jamaican thing) and as such one of the spiritual mothers of our organization was called upon to lead us in prayer. Right there among a mixed crowd of believers and unbelievers the spirit of God came down and began working through her, she was holding my daughter in her hand and was praying against spiritual attacks on her life! My child had only just turned 1, 4 days ago! Who would want to hurt a child?
By this time I was in the house looking out at what was happening and I myself began to pray in the spirit, before long the woman was now in the house praying over me and that was it! I was scared for my child and I knew that the only person that could help me was God!
I turned to Him and He just responded, “Come Home.”
And that was exactly what I did, I ran home and He has been such a loving Father. He will never turn you away, all He wants is for you to cry out to Him. Surrender to Him and watch Him work it all out.
That was all it took for me, and He began to cut away every tumour through the power of the Holy Spirit. The sexual relationship I was trying to end for months before returning to God, just fell apart before my eyes. The need to curse and party just left me and the power of the Holy Spirit descended on me like a dove and I received my authority and power once again!
God did that, He restored me.
He wants to restore you, why won’t you let Him?!
Surrender today, in the name of Jesus!!