Fitting In Never Worked For Me
By Sandra Jean Charite
As long as I could remember, I was never able to fit in. In elementary school, when everyone congregated to the playground for recess, there was never room for me in the sandbox so I found myself playing in the swings by myself. Later, in my teenage years, as the girls gathered in the ladies bathroom to talk about the cutest boys, gossip, hair, makeup, or latest trends, I sat in the bathroom stall waiting for them to leave because I had nothing to add to the conversation. I just did not fit and it made me feel weird among my peers. I had thousands of prayers to God that started with, “Lord, what’s wrong with me?” I believed God had placed me in a foreign land and no one spoke my language but I learned that I would never fit and he would use my uniqueness to draw people to Him.
I’ve read scriptures like: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born I sanctified you” (Jeremiah 1: 5) or “I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139: 14). When I was in the world, I wondered why I wasn’t invited to the parties or got to hang out with the cool kids. As time went on, I started hanging with the wrong crowd and separated myself from God to feel accepted by man but it didn’t take long for God to come after me. After I gave my life to Christ, I still didn’t fit in, especially in the church, and it’s the same today.
Even as I read the bible, I found that there were others who struggled with fitting in. Joseph found himself stuck in his dreams, which irked his brother’s nerves, but Joseph was in a world by himself. He remained content relying on God’s faithfulness. As well as, David was in the field tending to the sheep. Forgotten by man but remembered by God, Samuel came looking for a King and the one that didn’t fit with his brother was whom God had chosen.
Sometimes, we know that God wants to use us but we question it because there is no entourage with us. We don’t have an Aaron to walk with us like Moses or a Ruth for Naomi. We are called into an anointing that feels lonely at times or make us unpopular among our peers like Jeremiah. To be an outcast is not always easy but the Word says, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God” (Romans 12: 2).
Like Jesus, who gave up his life for us only to be rejected by his own, God is able to use us. Though we are invisible to man, we are always visible to God and He longs for His glory to be revealed through us. It’s not about us fitting in but it’s about us being obedient and living out his purpose.