Who am I?

As a teenager, growing up, I personally struggled with self esteem and loving myself for who I really am. The struggles came from always considering what others had to say about me and always putting the voice of God on the back burner. I always sought to please other people, whatever they said about me always had to be good or I would fall into a huge abyss of depression, guilt or shame. The depression led to suicidal thoughts, anger issues and an emotional roller coaster ride that controlled every aspect of my life. I lost myself, I could not find a resting place for my mind, I could not find emotional relief and whenever I thought I found that place of rest and peace someone else had something to say and I was forced to board my handy dandy roller coaster of emotions.

After a while, I noticed that I was simply going in circles and as I got older I just wanted much more for my life, more for myself, more for my future. I couldn’t take the emotional mess anymore and I decided to make my first step towards change by asking God the question.

Who am I to you?

I asked this question with tears in my eyes, knowing that after many years of being blind and confused, I was finally reaching out for help hoping that my answer would come.

God revealed Himself to me in an unusual way. He showed me where I was wrong, He showed me my anger, my frustrations and my pain but most of all, He showed and proved to me, that He would help me through it all. God has not let me down since, sometimes I don’t like the process, there are times when I do not like what He has to say but I realized that God knows all things. God knows whats right, whats best, and what I need.

I went through a struggle of letting people go. This was a struggle for me because I grew up with a love for pleasing people and with no one to please anymore, I cried myself to sleep at night and fell into depression again. I couldn’t take it anymore, I did not understand why God had to take everyone away from me and leave me alone. I wanted friends, I wanted companionship and to know that someone, anyone wanted to be my friend.

What I failed to realize at the time was that God wanted to isolate me so that I could find Him, then find myself in Him. God knew my struggle but He wanted to heal me completely, He wanted to reveal Himself to me and show me the amazing person that He created within me. God knows and understands ALL our struggles, but He is here. Once we confess our struggles and submit to the process that He decides to take us through, life starts to become much easier.

God bless you.

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