Excerpt from “Heart of Love: A Woman’s Desire For God’s Heart and the Art of His Love” by Crystal Metellus
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put my heart together again, but as for God… He stole my heart and made it new. This type of love that will never be separated and I never wake up in the middle of the night worrying if He will ever walk away. My prince of love has always been there; waiting with arms open wide for my return.
I was one to dip my feet to test the waters. “I just want to have fun. I’ll come back Father, don’t worry.” Looking back, I can feel the pain that came from His chest and with tears in my eyes, I can’t thank Him enough for being there every time I returned.
I used to worship Him one day, and sometimes on Sundays, it would be just for a few hours. Then, I would go back to feeding my flesh. During the week, I danced in the darkness. Doing what I shouldn’t have been doing.
How do you expect your relationship to grow if you’re cheating on the love of your life? Most of us have this church background where we are born and raised into the church. I was raised by strict Baptist parents that guarded me from listening to secular music, watching certain television shows, and even movies.
My parents didn’t play! Ever since my youth, I have always had a strong relationship with God. I spoke to Him, prayed, went to church weekly, and read my Bible as my daily bread.
It was simply not enough. In Revelation 3:16, Jesus says He will vomit out a person who is lukewarm. We as humans love to be in control of our lives.
Sometimes, what we surround ourselves with will not only corrupt our minds, but it begins to clone us. That friend that influence you to sin, the TV show you are watching, and even music feeds us. Bad company corrupts good morals (1 Corinthians 15:33).
The things that tell us it’s okay to do bad as God will forgive us anyway because we are young, wild, and free are the things that rotten our fruit. I was wild, but not free. I was trapped inside of a lost woman that walked around the shadows of the night.
It’s all fun and games until you end up dry and cracked. My sister, can I ask you how your relationships are like? Most importantly, who or what do you turn to when things start shifting as they don’t go your way but instead they go God’s way?
Those who cause you to sin & turn from God are not for you, they are against you. Sin causes separation. Sometimes the enemy sends people to throw us off track because the only thing he knows how to do is to kill, steal, and destroy. He’s constantly prowling around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8).
I remember the moment I was forced to cut ties with someone I used to be friends with for years. I can now tell this story because I forgave her and have healed from this friendship wound.
It was right after I took my walk with Jesus seriously. Remember, I was born & raised in the church; Yet I was very much lukewarm and still wanted to be in control before I took my walk seriously. I went into this lonely season right after I was given discernment. God showed me everyone’s hearts that had to go, and let me tell you it was not easy.
She came to me and asked if I could help with her spiritual walk. I thought I could help and invited her to church as well as any events they had.
Over time, she started to feel jealous and convicted for her own ways. She told me we couldn’t be friends and that all I do is go to church. This was a shock to me as I was a member at her church and we were like family. Before I could say anything, I immediately prayed for her.
Jealousy does not come from God, therefore I had to cast away that spirit! She was upset that I did not want to go to bars, because in her eyes it seemed innocent. I was not about to repeat my past after I repented, so I turned down the invitation. I’ve done the whole nightclub and bar scene, so I know for a fact there are spirits in those places that I refuse to let in.
When she saw how serious I am in my walk with Christ and realized I would no longer sin with her, she felt a strong conviction. I prayed for her because as I said earlier, our fight is not against flesh and blood. Our fight is against the rulers, authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.”
I’ve been cursed at by these people God told me to let go. Understand that not everyone is meant to walk where God is taking you and they will no longer recognize you due to this shift of change.
Placing God first means that He comes before anyone and anything. Not before your finances, your job, your friends, and family. Nothing comes before Him.
I looked up the definition of cheating, and it says that cheating is to act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, especially in a game or examination. Then, underneath were synonyms for cheating. Two that stood out the most to me were “to avoid and elude”, which means to escape.
Most of us escape because we know God freely loves us and when something is free, we can’t see how valuable it truly is. Instead, we turn towards the things that cost us our lives and end up spiritually bankrupt because it’s shiny or appears to be rich. Such expensive things causes us to appear and act a certain way.
If you look as if you have it all, you’re placed into a certain class. We place so much value in materialistic items that some people would kill another person for them. A jewelry thief only knows how to steal what’s not his. A bank robber will place other people’s lives in danger to steal what’s not his.
But our God, His love is free. I don’t think many understand how rich His love is as the only cost was sending His son out into the world, in which He chose to unselfishly die for us on that cross because He loves us that much!
That is why in Matthew 6:19, its says “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.”
I don’t know about you, but I would rather go towards the eternal route than the temporary route. I have been cheated on before and it’s one of the worst feelings to know that someone I loved would rather search for love or lust in someone else. As if I was not enough.
When a cheater gets caught, they avoid every question that places them in denial. They would rather turn the tables, beat around the bush, then point fingers to accuse you of something they made up inside of their minds. Cheaters sneak around, delete evidence, are constantly paranoid, and simply cannot own up to their own wrongs.
So, why cheat or serve two masters when God gives His love to us freely? You don’t have to sneak around, worry about getting caught, hide any evidence, walk around paranoid, and you don’t have to avoid Him because you feel guilty.
In John 8, when the Pharisees caught the woman committing adultery, she was about to be stoned because of this sin. They tested Jesus to see what He would say or do about this situation. That is when Jesus asked the men, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.”
Each of them walked away because each of them looked at their individual lives. Not one lived a sin-less life. Jesus told the woman that He does not condemn her, then told her to sin no more. In the NIV version, it says “Go now and leave your life of sin.” He didn’t say to continue to go back to her old ways. He forgave her as she understood that in order to repent, she must not go back to her own ways.
I am not here to point fingers at anyone, we have all been there. What I am here to do is point you toward a stronger relationship with God. It amaze me at how forgiving He is! You cannot continue to use excuses for yourself to keep feeding your flesh-like desires. We cheat on Him many times, yet there He is waiting for us to come back.
If there is anything you have to get off your chest or need to repent of, take this time to sit before Him. He’s always listening. Forgive yourself as well, as your past is already forgiven & forgotten.
Lord, I stand before you to ask that You break these chains in Jesus name. They are already your daughters, embrace them. Give them comfort during their lonely times. Help them to see that although they may feel lonely, You are always there. Thank You for Your love. We love You.
If you were touched by this chapter, and want to read more, pre-order Heart of Love here, before the price goes up once it officially launches on 7/9!